Most of us show compassion for the people around us. You may understand that your colleague is not performing at his best today because he couldn't sleep last night when the children were screaming. Likewise, you can support the friend who just lost their love and help them see that it's not their fault. But inside our own heads, the dialogue is often not so friendly. On the other hand, self-compassion is actually something that can be trained! Read on to learn more about the research behind it and how you can practically do this.
The concept of "self-esteem"
Just as we can show compassion to a friend or colleague, we can also show compassion to ourselves. However, it is not as obvious for many people to do this as we often place unreasonable demands on ourselves.
Self-compassion was introduced to us in the West in the 2000s when the American researcher Kristin Neff began researching the subject. Originally, the concept comes from Buddhist philosophy. Kristin drew her inspiration from Buddhism, where concepts such as 'loving kindness' and 'compassion' are common. She then began to define self-compassion, concluding that it is when we can show as much compassion to ourselves in difficult moments as we would to a friend.
The importance of mental training
Exercising self-compassion fully requires practice. Just as you can't run a mile in 45 minutes on your first try, you also need mental training to get better results. This was shown by a researcher at Karolinska Institutet named Christina Andersson in a study conducted on employees in two different organisations.
The study compared compass training with physical training to compare how the different methods reduce stress levels. "We found that both physical training and compassive exercise reduce stress, but that physical training did not have a significant effect on increasing self-esteem, as compassive exercise did." Says Christina Andersson herself about the study. Regular compassion training increases well-being, self-esteem and reduces stress, anxiety and depression.
Caroline tips on compassion
Caroline Spännar, one of Mindworkout's founders and also one of our compassion trainers, offers the following tips on self-talk:
"Many of us have a harsh inner voice and berate ourselves for thinking we are wrong and inadequate, often when we are at our toughest and could really use a supportive voice. This means we can rarely (if ever) relax and feel at ease. If we are constantly being told that we are not good enough, our alarm system (stress centre) is constantly on.
- Start by noting what you say to yourself when you "fail" or feel bad. If you notice you might say: "I can never do anything", "I'm useless", "I'm not enough..." etc., you have taken an important first step. Through awareness of the thoughts, you can begin to work on letting go of these thoughts, and find more helpful ways to talk to yourself.
- Try looking at yourself and others with kind eyes, and see that we all have a hard time and doubt ourselves sometimes. That's what it's like to be human.
- Ask yourself what your most caring friend would say to you and hear their kind voice."
Self-compassion for an expectant mother
Finally, we would like to recommend a book aimed at those who are about to become mothers. However, the book is worth reading even if you are not going to become a mother, as it contains several exercises in self-esteem, self-evaluation, mindfulness and mindful eating. In addition, the author, Elin Borg, is one of our trainers at Mindworkout. The book, Pregnant on your terms, can be found here.